Fish Tales and Bragging Rights
This webpage will contain "fish tales" (photos, humorous stories, or other appropriate banter) from recent salt water fishing trips by members of The Club. Please submit your input to the website coordinator via email or in person to one of The Club Officers.
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My fishing trip into the Gulf was canceled today due to high winds. It made me think of this joke about an Irish fisherman:
Paddy and his buddies were hanging out and planning an upcoming fishing trip. Unfortunately, he had to tell them that he couldn't go this time because his wife, Caitlin wouldn't let him. After a lot of teasing and name calling, Paddy headed home frustrated.
The following week when Paddy's buddies arrived at the lake to set up camp, they were shocked to see Paddy . He was already sitting at the campground with a cold beer, swag rolled out, fishing rod in hand, and a camp fire glowing.
"How did you talk your missus into letting you go Paddy ?"
"I didn't have to," Paddy replied.
"Yesterday, when I left work, I went home and slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows because I couldn't go fishing. Then the ol' lady Snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said, 'Surprise'. When I peeled her hands back, she was standing there in a beautiful see through negligee and she said, 'Carry me into the bedroom, tie me to the bed and you can do whatever you want,' ... So, Here I am!"
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Paddy and his buddies were hanging out and planning an upcoming fishing trip. Unfortunately, he had to tell them that he couldn't go this time because his wife, Caitlin wouldn't let him. After a lot of teasing and name calling, Paddy headed home frustrated.
The following week when Paddy's buddies arrived at the lake to set up camp, they were shocked to see Paddy . He was already sitting at the campground with a cold beer, swag rolled out, fishing rod in hand, and a camp fire glowing.
"How did you talk your missus into letting you go Paddy ?"
"I didn't have to," Paddy replied.
"Yesterday, when I left work, I went home and slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows because I couldn't go fishing. Then the ol' lady Snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said, 'Surprise'. When I peeled her hands back, she was standing there in a beautiful see through negligee and she said, 'Carry me into the bedroom, tie me to the bed and you can do whatever you want,' ... So, Here I am!"
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“THREE-FOURTHS OF THE EARTH’S SURFACE IS WATER, AND ONE-FOURTH IS LAND. IT IS QUITE CLEAR THAT THE GOOD LORD INTENDED US TO SPEND TRIPLE THE AMOUNT OF TIME FISHING AS TAKING CARE OF THE LAWN.”
Some of our members do some really interesting activities besides fishing. Here's an example - Alligator hunting!
I think I recognize some club members here!
Some one liners:
- What’s the difference between a fish and a piano? You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish!
- Have you ever seen a fish cry? – No, but I have seen a whale blubber.
- Did you hear about the fight at the restaurant last night? Four fish got battered!
- How do you keep a fish from smelling? Chop off its nose.
- Where do fish go to borrow money? To the prawn broker, or sometimes a loan shark.
- What has big sharp teeth, a tail, scales, and a trunk? A barracuda on vacation.
- Why will the fish never take responsibility? Because it’s always salmon else’s fault.
- Why is it so easy to weigh a fish? Because they have their own scales.
- What type of instrument do fish love to play? The bass, but some play just the bass drum.
- Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools!
- Why should you never fight an octopus? Because he’s too well-armed.
The tides play a big role in fishing. They are especially important for inshore fishing. We learned that actually from the Vikings who discovered the importance of tidal action a long time ago...
Hey, man. Anyone wanna join the Villages Deep Sea Fishing Club? I just signed up and I'm waiting on the dock for my first trip to catch Mahi (whatever they are).
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Careful, Officer!
A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north. The husband
liked to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife liked to read. One
morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and
decided to take a short nap. Although she wasn't familiar with the
lake, the wife decided to take the boat. She rowed out a short
distance, anchored, and returned to reading her book.
Along came the sheriff in his boat. He pulled up alongside her and
said, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading my book," she replied...as she thought to herself, "isn't
it obvious?"
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informed her.
"But officer, I'm not fishing. Can't you see that?"
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. I'll have to take you in and
write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with rape," snapped the
irate woman.
"But, I haven't even touched you," groused the sheriff.
"Yes, that's true, she replied, "but you do have all the equipment,
don't you???"
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A fisherman was just coming off the pier and had two 5 gallon pails of fish he had caught and keeping them fresh and alive in sea water. A Fish and game officer approached him and asked how the fishing was. The guy said he thought it was pretty good. The warden looked at his pails and said, "I see, by the way can I see your fishing license?"
The fisherman answered: " I don't have one."
The warden again looked at the two pails of fish and said, "Well, if you don't have a license you are in quite a bit of trouble with all these fish."
The fisherman said, " Oh, I didn't just catch these fish, they are my pet fish."
"Pet fish!" exclaimed the officer. " You are going to have to do better than that."
"Yes sir. I bring these fish from home and release them in the water and let them swim about for a while and then I call them back and take them back home." The warden was stunned and the fisherman could see he didn't believe him. So the fisherman said, "Here let me show you" and he dumped the two pails of fish back in the water and the fish swam off.
They both stood around for a little while and the warden said," Well?" The fisherman said, " Well what?"
warden: "Aren't you going to call them back?"
fisherman: "Call who back?"
warden: " the fish."
fisherman: "What fish?*******************************************************************************************************************
December 5, Club Member, Robert Gustafson, Fishing with Blake Shidler out of Crystal River
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Please do not let this happen to you at Pete's Pier. If you are a first timer, Capt. Fussell will ask you to feed the tarpon. BE CAREFUL! Hit the play arrow to see what happens. |
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The following are NOT exactly "fish tales" - they have the pictures for proof! Of course we don't know how much bigger these fish got with the retelling to club members.
